Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Wednesday, finally. This week has been going by very slowly. Partly because I'm looking forward to being out of town this weekend for a friend's wedding, but also partly because I've been totally stressed out and worried over money.
It's been getting bad here - I really am grasping at straws sometimes - I feel worried and anxious most of the time. I know Chris and I can do it and get by, but for some reasons (because I'm sure there is more than just one) we aren't. Our mortgage will have to be late this month, which is something I'm ashamed of and something I've NEVER done. There are bills that are unpaid as well, and I'm not sure when we'll catch up. At this rate, it doesn't look like there will BE a honeymoon. We can get there, we have the airline miles, be we don't have the money for the hotel or food. We are maxxed out on our cards right now, his credit score is bad, mine's getting there, and besides - that's not what we need to do anyways. We need to tighten our belts, and try as I might, it can't just be me. I've tightened mine, and I will tighten more, but Chris needs to take this seriously too. And I'm not sure he REALLY is. I know he makes more than I do, but we're in this together, and if I'm taking my lunch every day, he shouldn't feel it beneath him to eat at home a couple days a week too. I just get the feeling he cares, but he doesn't. He won't REALLY care until we get kicked out of our home and have no where to go. I'm not sure if this is truly his feelings or not because whenever I try to talk about it, he gets defensive and we end up fighting. I've thought of walking away. Many times. Finance causes many relationships to break apart. But in truth I do love him. I also realize that if I leave, or make him leave, I'd actually be worse off than I am now - not to mention have my parents mad at me for already spending non-refundable money on the wedding. And I don't want to do something I may regret later. I don't want to just leave because it's getting tough, I want to try and resolve it.

Ugh, okay, that's a lot of heavy stuff. I don't know if anyone will read this, but I like being able to just get it off my chest. I don't know who or where to turn to in this situation, so it's nice to be able to just get this off of my chest - even if it's just to the computer screen.

Leaving Friday morning early for the wedding. The plane tickets are purchased, and I know we can afford a dinner out or two (I will get paid on Friday). I'm hoping he paid for the rental car. We shall see I guess. This could be an interesting trip to say the least.


Tiff said...

Yep finances is probably THE one and biggest thing that ruins relationships. Ok first off - take a deep breath. It is fairly normal to be in a relationship or marriage with a partner that is the EXACT opposite of you regarding finances. Compromise. The word you will hear and use endlessly. When I was married, Mike & I had a year we had to pay $1400 in federal taxes. My suggestion? To buckle down for 1-2 mos and just pay it off the bat. Mike's response to that? NOW WHAT FUN WOULD THAT BE?! *sigh* and for some reason, I think probably because Mike made more $$ than me, I let him have the final say in the financial decisions. To this day, he is still the same way in his relationship with Staci as he was with me. Broke as hell but rationalizes his payments. For ex. I had a car that I finally paid the loan off. Now, most people would take that money used for the payment and go pay some other bill down. Oh no. Mike wanted to take it and go buy a new vehicle and then some "well the payment is about the same"!

Hang in there. Weddings and finances are stressful. Don't be late on your mortgage. I haven't read all the history but remember WHY you two are getting married. Because you love each other and don't want to live without each other. The wedding is simply a ceremony to show others how you feel. While it's nice and we've all been conditioned to have it, it is not NECESSARY. You two will not stop breathing if it doesn't happen. You're life will not be ruined because you didn't have your big day. Seems to me that this big day is what is stressing you out to the point you are questioning the relationship.

Guilty Secret said...

Thank you for sharing this. Often it is all roses in the world of wedding blogging and it's good to read blog that are more realistic about the realities.

We are also finding the extra strain of paying for the wedding and honeymoon is making things a little difficult this year.

I agree with Tiff that it is common that opposites attract in this regard. More sensible spenders are often attracted to more frivolous partners and vice versa. However, I think you can see this as a good thing. You can learn to balance each other and each see the other as a positive force, but in certain situations. It is not that one of you is right and one is wrong - each behaves more appropriately in certain situations.

Remember you have years ahead of you to holiday togetehr so your honeymoon doesn't have to be something huge.

Best of luck :)

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