Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Good, the Bad, and it's getting ugly....

First, let me do a little advertising... the lovely girls over at Elizabeth Anne Designs have compiled and posted a new feature - a Wedding Library. It has resources like venues, photographers, florists, and pretty much everything else you could need for your wedding planning! It's very easy to navigate, and the links take you straight to the source's site. It's very cool of them to compile all of that in
one place! It will make planning just that much easier!

Saturday morning my Mom, my sister, Chris and I met with our coordinator at the YWCA to talk about decorations, table linens, etc. It was a great meeting! We set up a little rough mock-up of the centerpieces with the old pressed/cut glass and candles and they looked awesome, y'all! Like an idiot, I didn't take any pictures! But they looked so elegant and beautiful, and the candlelight will be beautiful at night. The mantle, which we'll get married in front of, will look great too with the large candelabras and faux garlands we have. We moved a (very heavy) iron candelabra over to the mantle and added the garlands to get an idea, and we all thought they looked really grand! It was a great and productive morning! Afterwards, Chris headed home, and my sister, Mom, and I headed to the bridesmaid dress shop. Alison and my Mom both loved the dress, and so we ordered it for her and my other sister (who also loves it!). Things were looking up! Yay!
So, that was the good.

When I got home, Chris told me that his father's surgery (which has been postponed a few times) was scheduled for Monday (yesterday), so they'd be coming up Sunday. We were going to have them over and cookout. No problem - that sounded nice. His sister was already in town visiting friends, but we hadn't heard from her (big surprise). More than likely, though, she and her husband and friend would come over too. Saturday evening and Sunday morning was spent getting ready to have people over - yard work, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. Everyone showed up (with Chris' niece and their dog) and we were cooking out by mid-afternoon. It was hot, and it was a little hectic with all the people and animals, but we got it all pulled together and everyone had a good meal.
I won't say that that's "the Bad" per se, but it was a little stressful. Especially with the recent tensions going on over the guest list.

But here's where it got ugly.

Chris' Mother decided to pull him outside to chat, which I have no problems with. But what she wanted to chat about, well, that's another story. Evidently, Chris' sister does not like the new dress at all. She had gone and tried it on the day before (unbeknownst to us; remember, she was in town), and evidently it made her look "pregnant". Now let me just preface this by saying - I don't care how big she is. I'd like her to be in our wedding because she's Chris' sister. And, of course, I'd like to try and find something flattering to her. BUT, she will look "big" in any dress I put her in. I really really like the new dresses. Chris' sister..... she doesn't like them so much. Instead of calling me, or talking to me directly (remember, she's over at my house and we just provided her with dinner), she literally cried to her mother, who then went to Chris, who was then to tell me. What!?!? Aren't we adults here? But it gets uglier. Evidently, the reason she didn't just call me or talk to me?? I'm condescending, I'm unapproachable, and I'm intimidating. Again, what!?!? Excuse me while I scream..... (ARGH!!). Hopefully, if you have ever read anything here, you would be able to figure out that I'm none of those things. I understand that I may be a little intimidating to his sister - I'm older, I have a job and work, and we don't know each other well. But she's 27, married, and has a child herself. It's not been easy calling and speaking to them directly about different problems that have come up, but I've done it with respect for them and because I'm an adult. I just wish she'd give me the same courtesy and just talk to me directly about things - or at least TRY TO. No, most of the communication I get from her is second or third hand, and most recently in the form of nasty emails to Chris telling him he's making a mistake by not following her "suggestions". And that ever since he met me, his family has been coming in second. It gets nastier - much - but basically they are the immature gripes of someone who is used to always getting her way, and who doesn't understand when you have different ideas than she does. Just because you offer an opinion, doesn't mean it must be so!

Now my predicament is this: Am I nice and allow her and another bridesmaid (who totally doesn't care what she wears) to wear the original dress style in navy, while my sisters both wear the new style?? Or am I a villain and tell her no, and that if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to be in the wedding.

I'm sorry for the long rant. It's just that every time I think we've settled something that has arisen with his family, something else comes up. And it's frustrating. Mostly because neither Chris nor I agree with how they're acting.

It's Tuesday, and my Dad's coming over to take me to dinner tonight (Chris is back in Wisconsin) to cheer me up! Is it 5 o'clock yet??


tracy said...

Hmm, what a pain. I'd say just tell her that it is what it is. The thing with bridesmaid dresses is it's hard to make EVERYONE happy and chances are someone's gonna be bitching. She sounds like she just wants to make it about her and you shouldn't be forced to change what you like just because of her, who sounds like she loves to bitch!

Hope you have a good dinner with your dad.

Oh and BTW I was cracking up at your THE SILENCE thing!!!

Ryan, Jen, & Rowan said...

This is how I see it - the wedding is about you and Chris! It is your day and you guys should be allowed to pick EVERYTHING!!! Nobody else has to like it! The day is about making you husband and wife not about anyone else!!!

From my past experience I would venture to say that she is JUST MAKING DRAMA!

I would tell her that you are sorry if she feels the dress does not do her justice (maybe she can figure out that by changing some parts of herself it might "help" the way it looks on her) and that your decision is final. I wouldn't say "wear it and your in or don't and your out" but rather..."This is the dress, what size do I need to order it in."

Do not give her a reason to opt out of the wedding b/c she will twist it around and will be telling people you kicked her out before you know it!

Just tell her that is the new style and let her dismiss herself should she want out or bite the bullet and wear the dress!

Remember it is your day and we have all worn bridesmaid dresses not even fit for a halloween costume!

Hill Country House Girl said...

Whew! Sometimes it just helps to vent! I continue to be amazed at how people can be so self absorbed and forget who or what an event is about.It is sad because it takes away from the fun and joy.

Congratulations on you wedding and hope it all works out with the family....... Thank you for your visit to hill country house. I will be checking back with you!

laura said...

so let me get this straight...
your future sister in law was thinking that by getting her mom to tell your fiance that poof you would change all the dresses to suit her??

or maybe that you would just call her up and say "hey why don't you take all the maids shopping and you can pick".??

I would politely tell her she has already been "the bride" and had "her way"
now it's your turn.

hmmm all this is making me think twice about asking a certain someone to be in my own wedding.

east side bride said...

How DOES the dress look on her, though? You should pick something flattering, not just a dress you like... The same dress might not look good on four different women. (Remember, you didn't love how it looked on you when you tried it on. Just my two cents.)

All I chose for my ladies was the color, and they're still having trouble :P

Guilty Secret said...

Ugh... some people just can't bear for everything to not be about them, eh?

Having said that, I'd let them wear the other dress, but that might have something to do with my thinking that 4 girls in 2 dresses looks cooler than 4 girls in 1 dress...

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